16th Jan 2024, 2:34 PM

Placeholder III: Endgame

Placeholder III: Endgame
so I woke up like a week before chrismas unable to walk properly, just kind of stumbling around like a big toddler. The next day numbness and pain and general lack of control had also spread to my arms, back, and face. And bowels somehow

it hurts to type, and I keep hitting the wrong keys; hard to drive, sometimes my foot slips off the brake and I can't feel it; pooping is hell; touching cold stuff hurts; I wake up screaming expletives at all hours of the night because of random stabbing pain in my wrist or leg or a random finger or whatever my brain feels like attacking at the time

things that have failed to alleviate the pain so far: acetaminophen, ibuprofen, neuropaway pm, a bunch of b vitamins, weed

I'm seeing the disability doctor in a couple of days, and a neurologist next month. Regular doctor has already ran a bunch of blood work and concluded this is the brain demons. MRI didn't show anything different than my last one

I don't want to sound dramatic but

a.) holy shit I am in hell

b.) how this shakes out is gonna have a lot of bearing on the future of MDA, or anything else I might hope to make. My hands are wrecked, I an barely put my own shoes on or pick up my phone. My nails are growing out beause I can't clip them and I keep stabbing myself with my own fingernails because I can't feel where my stupid hands are. If the disability thing pans out I might be able to hire an artist or something, and if the nerve muscle brain shit is treatable then I won't need to, but there's a real good chance I am about to just get punched in the dick

to reiterate I don't want to be overdramatic, and I normally shoot for an optimistic front but I am miserable and terrified and I can't really sugarcoat it this time


Paypal
Venmo
Kofi


I'm not broke and some people on the discord helped me out in late December, but running around seeing doctors is expensive and I am not optimistic about the back half of this month. My space heater it also turns out is not very good and it was like five degrees last night

I want to thank everyone that's helped me out and supported me so far, you guys have literally saved my life on numerous occasions and I want to believe that this is all working out soon. Jan and Feb are either going to see a real good end or a real bad end and I don't know what's more likely but this is it, shit's about to go down

chin up, shoulders back, and some other doctor who shit; I am not yet ready to die

local man tries to write story about how scary brains are, has to fight his own brain to finish it


Average Rating: 5 (1 vote)
Load my Place Save my Place



Will Schrag | Snervalton | Skullrama | John Wood | Tom Axon | David J Wu | Sekwel | Mochi | arbit | Travis Whittaker | Avasraali | Nicolas Arboleya | Trent Brossman | Clotty Cola | TacticOwl | SomeRando | Cyrene DuVent | Swagner | thatbloodypaladin | Opunny | Kat Dixon | Harmony Petersen | ActionKermit | Scott Johnson | Loose Cog | James Nichols | Leafia Barrett | everentropy | SpoopyLaundry



16th Jan 2024, 4:14 PM
Feel better I hope everything works out my prayers are with you MM
16th Jan 2024, 4:30 PM
Momerath
I hope your symptoms are treatable!
16th Jan 2024, 4:59 PM
Golden Dragon Girl
good lord universe wtf

hope the disability stuff works out and that they can figure out what the hell is wrong because that's absolutely terrifying, I'm so sorry
16th Jan 2024, 9:34 PM
Guest
Wishing you all the best.
17th Jan 2024, 3:06 AM
Malkut
big hug
17th Jan 2024, 3:37 PM
Antarean
Jesus Christ. Really hope your . . . everything gets better. I really wish I had some advice or insight to offer, but all I can do is say Good Luck and that we all care about you.
21st Jan 2024, 12:34 AM
everentropy
I hope they can figure something out! Thankfully, there are medications to treat neuropathy now, but that's truly awful. Shame the B vitamins didn't work out, I know that's a pretty common cause that's easy to treat. Good luck, I know how difficult medical conditions can be.
21st Jan 2024, 8:04 PM
Good luck and Godspeed. I don’t know what else I can say, but I hope you make it out the end of this in one hale and hearty piece. May fate be with you.
22nd Jan 2024, 4:02 PM
I'm bad at cheering people, but staying silent feels like treachery. I feel for you. That's all I could ever do for anyone, but I don't want to lose hope that it has some meaning. It's a relief to hear that you're "not yet ready to die". That kind of mental fortitude should have been enough to bend reality, but this world is too much of a bummer to allow that.
23rd Jan 2024, 6:18 PM
BrokenSoul
This world is indeed a bummer, but sometimes things just work out well in unexpected ways. The only thing you can do is just get through the moment, then do it again.
But no matter what.
Always remember.
Anything is possible.
4th Mar 2024, 12:01 AM
Daniel
> staying silent feels like treachery

Thanking you for giving voice and form to something I was vaguely thinking, and thereby convincing me to actually act on it. Actually, thank you for the rest of your comment, too...well said.

So, Morgensterm, let me add one more hug to the pile and voice of support to the chorus (heh). I'm coming off a year-long brush with neuropathy symptoms myself, but my situation was never a tenth as bad as yours sounds. There is something deeply unsettling about it, though...I hope the specialists can pin it down (often the hardest part) and get you on the road to recovery.
27th Jan 2024, 11:40 AM
Violet
Holy shit, I am so sorry, that sounds like hell. Best of luck to you, I hope the doctor visit went well and whatever the hell’s going on is treatable or at very least manageable (because again, that sounds like hell).
27th Jan 2024, 11:40 AM
Violet
Holy shit, I am so sorry, that sounds like hell. Best of luck to you, I hope the doctor visit went well and whatever the hell’s going on is treatable or at very least manageable (because again, that sounds like hell).
30th Jan 2024, 10:23 PM
Rachael
I am so sorry you keep having to go through this shit. I hope there is a treatment that works, and that this ends up being that last awful thing you have to deal with.